This one's for you, mom.

Ok mom,
Listen up. Escuchar uno momento, por favor.


It started back when I was a little girl. You always spoke of college, of higher education, of respect, of understanding, tolerance, and service. That was always the big one, service. 
When you found me not to be grateful, you threw 30 things I should be grateful for at me to chew over. 
You always pushed me to do my best, and when I did that, I was expected to rise even higher. If I hadn't worked my brain until mental exhaustion before I put my head down to sleep at night, I knew I hadn't done what you always wanted me to do with my day.
You taught me about my self-image, even though you never showed me how to put on any makeup, or bought me clothes. When I was a bit older, you went shopping with me and took me straight to the Clearance racks. You always were thrifty!
When report card time came around...Oh, wait, I mean, EVERY Monday, the school progress reports were printed and you broke out the highlighter. Assignments were scrutinized and notes were written for teachers if expectations were not being met AND exceeded. You wanted me to do more than succeed. You wanted me to excel. 
And I did. At least... I think I did. I sure tried. 
It took about 15 and a half years for me to finally feel worn down from all the pressure of being the oldest...That's right about the time everything fell through. My social life with my friends, the confidence I had in myself, and the placement for my exchange, to top it all right off. I think we both reached a breaking point, and I made it up in my mind that I was not going to spend my sophomore year anywhere but Springville High...
I write from here in Spain...where I still don't think those 14 hours on the plane were worth it...
But I've still got hope for the rest of this year. The first month was harder than anyone can imagine...and I've changed a lot. Actually, I've changed more than a lot...
I'm shy!
:O
My laugh is different, the way I feel about my appearance is different...
I don't know what this whole year is going to do for me, but I hope it's good. 'Cause I'm doing it for not only me...But you mom.
Love you.